Forgiveness isn't always easy

Anger. Intense anger. I have experienced too much of that emotion over the past six months when dealing with a certain member of my family. Without getting into the nasty details, someone very close to my wife and I has wronged the family in ways we would have never thought possible. Prior to April, this person was held in high regard, but not anymore. And we have wanted so badly to cut the person out of our lives and move on, but each time we try, God changes our plans.

It's easy to hold a grudge if you think you have been wronged. Anyone can do that without much effort. But forgiveness takes a lot of work. It sometimes requires you to swallow your pride. Often times, it necessitates one to look beyond obvious flaws in the offending party. In my case, the flaws of the offending party are glaring and this person continues to destroy relationships.

But as a Christian, I am charged by God to forgive those who have hurt me and my family. Seriously God, have you not seen what this creep has been doing to this family?? Do you really expect me to forgive as if the personal threats to my wife and I never happened? Listen God, I am a good person. I attend church most Sunday's. I tithe as much as I can most of the time. I have never been arrested. No murders. No adultry. No BIG sins God. So is it really so bad that I harbor resentment and hatred towards this person??

Yeah, it is. One of the things I love most about my church is the way our preachers teach us, not just preach at us. Everytime I leave a service, I walk away feeling smarter with regards to how God expects me to live/act. So, when I am bottling up this anger inside me, towards this particular person, it's the seed of murder. Just as lust is the seed of adultry, hate/anger is the emotional beginning for murder. Of course I would never commit an actual murder of another human being. But in my heart, he/she has been murdered one thousand times.

So as I sat in church one Sunday morning, I was humbled to hear those words being spoken as if they were directed right at me. I have resisted my hearts attempts to forgive this person. I have justified my lack of forgiveness by saying things like "I would never do what he/she did to us, and until I see changes in behavior, I am not letting them back into my life." My wife is the same way. How much easier it would be if we just severed all ties and moved on.

But one thing I keep thinking about is this question: Is God smiling when He looks down from Heaven and sees my actions? Or am I pushing God away by not trying to please Him? For the longest time, I can tell you that God must have been frowning at my actions on a second by second basis. The thought of forgiveness was about as remote as Pitcarin Island, one of the most remote islands on this planet.

But that Sunday, I asked God to help me as I prayed silently in church. When I walked out of that church, it was as if a weight was lifted from my heart. I knew I had to reach out to the offender and let that person know I had forgiven him/her. Does that mean I want to resume normal relations? Absolutely not, at least not at this time. But it does mean that I am no longer going to allow the hatred to occupy any space my heart.

A heart filled with hate has no room to love. Cliche' I know, but so very true. The easy thing is to hold that grudge. But to swallow my pride enough to speak to the offender took strength. I know Lori and I had done nothing to deserve the wrath we endured. I also knew that it was and still is a very real possibility that repeat offenses may be forthcoming. Lori asked one day "how many times do we have to do this forgiveness thing if he/she keeps screwing up?" My reply was "infinity plus one." How many times do we ask for God's forgiveness? Daily? Hourly? And how many times does He forgive us? Every single time.

There may be some out there reading this and thinking 'yeah but I am sure what happened to me was far worse so the forgiving isn't as easy for me.' I'll admit that the things my offender did may not fall into the category of criminal actions. There was no rape, or death threats. But there were threats to get us fired from our jobs over nothing, and the threat of criminal charges that were absolute fiction. So, how did we finally get over these hateful actions to move towards forgiveness?

Simple. We asked God to fill more space in our hearts so that those feelings of hate would be forced out. We started to let go. Accept that some things are not going to change and ask God for guidance. I phoned my offender shortly after that sermon. I said 'I have forgiven you for what you have done to this family, and I also apologize for my actions as well.' At that moment, I felt that God was looking down on me and smiling.

Eight years ago, when I wasn't a Christian, I would have written this person off, halted all communications and hoped to never see him/her again. But when Christ started occupying more space in my heart, it began to transform. If there is someone you are refusing to forgive, think about what Christ did for us on the cross. He had every right to hate us for putting him to death. And every time we stray from biblical teachings, we are pouring salt on the nail holes in his hands and feet. But he doesn't abandon us. Amazing isn't it?

Take an introspective look at your heart and see where you have additional room for Christ. If you don't find any, you need to find a church fast! The only way to be able to forgive someone is to recognize that there are others out there who are harboring hatred towards you as well! It may be a kid you wronged in high school. We are all guilty of commiting sins we need to confess and seek forgiveness for. You know the deal - glass houses and stones.