Forty years. That's how long I have been consuming air on this rock called Earth. Forty years.
For many of those forty years, I lived in a world that revolved around - me. Heck, the first thirty of those years, I had noone that depended on me for survival. Sure I was married once before, and my ex-wife and I depended on each other, but there were no mouths to feed other than our own.
In February of 2004 all of that changed. My beautiful bride gave birth to our son and three years later, our daughter joined us. So now I have three people depending on me daily. Don't they know that I was the class clown growing up and that I can not be depended on??
Ten years. That is how long I have been a Christian. Sure I was baptised as a young lad and attended church in my youth. But really believing in a Lord and Savior? Ten years.
In those ten years, many remarkable events have taken place. A couple of layoffs. Divorce. Health scares. Marriage. Child births. Moves. Open heart surgery on Reagan. Family feuds. You name it and it most likely happened in that ten year time frame. But you know what else happened in those ten years?
Grace. Forgiveness. Love. Healing. Praying. Rejoicing. Growing. Growing - that is an interesting one for the Simpson family. As the kids grow up, the daddy grows out! *smiles* But the growth I am talking about more than anything is spiritual.
In my mid 20's, I was living with my ex-wife in a small mill house on the east side of Rock Hill. We lived hard and fast. Lots of partying, drinking and general recklessness. If you combined the 'spirituality' of us both, you'd have enough to fill a toothpaste cap. And one particular Sunday morning, God tried infuse some spirituality into us, only to be turned away.
Sitting on the couch in the den of our little 700 square foot mill house, the ex flipped through the channels looking for something to entertain us while we tended to our hangovers. It was early spring, so we had the front door open and the glass of the screen door raised to let some fresh air into our dank house (and lives.)
As she rapidly scrolled through the channels, she came upon a televangelist named Robert Tilton and she paused briefly, then kept surfing. I quickly asked her to turn it back to the preacher. I wasn't interested in listening to his message. No, I was more interested in poking fun at this fraud who spoke in tongues and sent prayer cloths to those who were stupid enough to send him money. I made some sarcastic comment and the ex replied that I should be careful not to mock a man of God. Her sarcasm flowed thicker than mine.
I laughed and stated, and I quote - "If there really is a God, he'll show me a sign right now." You know the old saying 'be careful what you wish for?' Well, at that precise second, I noticed through my screen door a car had turned onto our road and was making it’s way South at a very slow speed. From my seat, I had a view of the road all the way down to the stop sign, about an eighth of a mile away. That isn’t a very long distance, but within that eighth of a mile, there are probably a dozen or more houses.
I watched the old car creep down the street. And to my surprise, it eventually pulled up directly in front of my house and stopped. The ex and I made eye contact as if to say “no freaking way this is happening!” Sure enough, the doors of the car swung open and three very conservatively dressed women exited.
As they approached our front steps, my mind was racing a zillion miles per hour! What am I going to say to these ladies if they were in fact representatives of God? Just then, as the first lady stepped onto our small porch and rang the doorbell, our ferocious dog, a Shih Tzu we’d named “Wingo,” began to bark and jump at the ladies through the screen door. “Let me at them dad! I nibble their ankles off.” Not only was that dog cool, but he could also talk!
I pushed Wingo away from the door and greeted them. “Good morning” I said in a not so eager to see them tone. “Good morning to you sir, we are Jehovah’s Witnesses and we’d like to give you this free Bible.”
My heart skipped a beat. A huge lump formed in my throat as I stood there in disbelief. It would have been easier to force a basketball into a garden hose that to swallow at that moment. I know the pause before I spoke was probably only a matter of seconds, but it felt like hours as I tried to think of the words to say. But even though my head (and heart) was cloudy, searching frantically for the right way to respond, my big mouth was quick on the trigger.
Before I could clearly process my thoughts I blurted out, “I’m sorry ladies, but we don’t believe in God,” and I closed the door on them.
They stood there a few seconds before they realized I wasn’t joking with them. Then dejected, they turned and walked slowly back to their car. They got in and appeared to pause for a moment of prayer. Then the driver turned the key to the ignition and after several attempts, got the engine to crank and they drove away, passing all of the other houses within my view.
The ex and I laughed it off as just a coincidence. There’s no way God would send Jehovah’s Witnesses to our house as His sign! That’s ridiculous.
But deep down inside, I knew that He had in fact shown Himself to me and I had denied Him, just like Peter did before Christ was crucified. For the better part of a decade, that morning’s events had haunted me. That is until I became a Christian. I know now that I will never again deny my Savior for He has led me through the darkness and into the light.
Forty years. That is the minimum amount of time I hope I have left on this rock. Forty years to raise two beautiful children. Forty years to love the best friend I have ever known, outside of Christ Jesus. Forty years to profess my faith to those who were in my situation a mere decade ago.
Tomorrow morning, I will be sitting behind a drum set on stage in front of hundreds of fellow believers - playing music that honors and praises our Lord. Ten years ago, I was playing drums also. But instead of having a group prayer before a set, I was cleaning a mirror with a rolled up dollar bill. It isn't something I am proud of, but I think it illustrates what God can do when you open your heart and mind to the Word.
Forty years. That's the amount of time I have been protected by my God, even when He knew my heart.
Grace. Forgiveness. Rejoicing.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Thursday, December 31, 2009
A Year To Remember - Psalm 84:11
For the Lord God is a Sun and Shield; the Lord bestows grace and favor and glory! No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.
Psalm 84: 11
In a moment of reflection, I thought about what all my family has endured this year and found this Psalm to put things into proper prospective.
In 2009, the Simpson family experienced much change, both good and bad. The year started on a very somber note with my then 20 month old daughters open heart surgery to repair several major defects. But after 10 days in recovery, with an extended stay in the pediatric intensive care unit, we finally took our little angel home. It was an amazing walk with the Lord that I will never forget.
But that was just the beginning of the year of change. During 2009, I was laid off from my banking career, my wife's parents separated and are going thru a divorce, my son started kindergarden, I landed a new job near the end of the year, and I had two uncles diagnosed with severe cancer (stage 3 and 4).
At one point in the year, I felt certain that my wife and I would have to downsize out of our home of three years, and possibly move in with my parents to position ourselves for a new start. My severance from my seven year stint at the bank was running out and jobs were not plentiful.
I reached out to our church Sunday school class and received a few leads, but none panned out. Then I sent out an e-mail to my Pi Kappa Alpha Almuni Brothers and God's grace shined upon me. A brother knew of a position that was unadvertised and put me in contact with the hiring manager.
The rest is just too amazing to believe. The credit union's Chairman of the Board is a neighbor of mine. The hiring manager is also the CEO, and a strong woman of faith. We met for a brief lunch introduction and prior to eating, she asked if I minded if she said grace. How refreshing! I had never been on an interview where the interviewer asked the interviewee if prayer was okay. I knew I had found my next career right then and there.
My new manager is a great person and I am eager to start my career on January 4th. Hard to believe that just three or four months prior, Lori and I were discussing putting the house on the market and taking a huge hit in it's value due to declining home prices. But during the entire time of angst and uncertainty, we continued to pray for peace of mind. The knowledge that God has a plan for us kept us focused on the important priorities...Faith, Family, Friends.
Many have asked me how we were able to handle all the adversity of 2009. Simple. We put all our worries on God's shoulders and he placed the yolk of peace on our heads. Before I was a Christian, I worried daily about things I had no control over. My priorities were not what they should have been. But 2009 really brought to light the need to put your faith in God and trust His plan.
In 2010 I will turn 40 years of age, God willing. And I believe it will be a banner year of praise to our Lord, good health for my family, and a fantastic new opportunity to work in my community and give back to the place I have called home almost all of my life.
For those of you out there who don't have a strong relationship with God, please consider this priority list in your lives: God (get to know Him), Health, Family, Friends, Job, Bills, etc... Put the 'Big Rocks' of faith, your health, your family and friends, ahead of the 'Small Rocks' of a job, bills, car troubles, politics, etc... When you can't find your keys and your late for work, instead of cursing the bad luck, praise the Lord. That could very well have been God's plan to keep you from getting t-boned by a motorist who ran a red light.
Instead of getting angry about who is elected to office, or a policy being implemented that you don't agree with, praise the Lord that you live in the most free country in the history of the world and regardless of who leads it, God will provide for you and your family.
God's grace and favor are all you need even when it appears that the world has turned upside down. And one last thing...set some personal goals to meet and get that sense of accomplishment. Maybe you need to lose some weight (like me), or you want to be debt free, or you need to find a new job. Set goals to accomplish this and it can be done. But the first goal you should set is to worship the Lord each day at home and once a week at church. God's favor and grace are available to all who believe in and worship Him. Set a goal to attend church each week...I think you'll like the results!! God bless and have a great 2010!!
Psalm 84: 11
In a moment of reflection, I thought about what all my family has endured this year and found this Psalm to put things into proper prospective.
In 2009, the Simpson family experienced much change, both good and bad. The year started on a very somber note with my then 20 month old daughters open heart surgery to repair several major defects. But after 10 days in recovery, with an extended stay in the pediatric intensive care unit, we finally took our little angel home. It was an amazing walk with the Lord that I will never forget.
But that was just the beginning of the year of change. During 2009, I was laid off from my banking career, my wife's parents separated and are going thru a divorce, my son started kindergarden, I landed a new job near the end of the year, and I had two uncles diagnosed with severe cancer (stage 3 and 4).
At one point in the year, I felt certain that my wife and I would have to downsize out of our home of three years, and possibly move in with my parents to position ourselves for a new start. My severance from my seven year stint at the bank was running out and jobs were not plentiful.
I reached out to our church Sunday school class and received a few leads, but none panned out. Then I sent out an e-mail to my Pi Kappa Alpha Almuni Brothers and God's grace shined upon me. A brother knew of a position that was unadvertised and put me in contact with the hiring manager.
The rest is just too amazing to believe. The credit union's Chairman of the Board is a neighbor of mine. The hiring manager is also the CEO, and a strong woman of faith. We met for a brief lunch introduction and prior to eating, she asked if I minded if she said grace. How refreshing! I had never been on an interview where the interviewer asked the interviewee if prayer was okay. I knew I had found my next career right then and there.
My new manager is a great person and I am eager to start my career on January 4th. Hard to believe that just three or four months prior, Lori and I were discussing putting the house on the market and taking a huge hit in it's value due to declining home prices. But during the entire time of angst and uncertainty, we continued to pray for peace of mind. The knowledge that God has a plan for us kept us focused on the important priorities...Faith, Family, Friends.
Many have asked me how we were able to handle all the adversity of 2009. Simple. We put all our worries on God's shoulders and he placed the yolk of peace on our heads. Before I was a Christian, I worried daily about things I had no control over. My priorities were not what they should have been. But 2009 really brought to light the need to put your faith in God and trust His plan.
In 2010 I will turn 40 years of age, God willing. And I believe it will be a banner year of praise to our Lord, good health for my family, and a fantastic new opportunity to work in my community and give back to the place I have called home almost all of my life.
For those of you out there who don't have a strong relationship with God, please consider this priority list in your lives: God (get to know Him), Health, Family, Friends, Job, Bills, etc... Put the 'Big Rocks' of faith, your health, your family and friends, ahead of the 'Small Rocks' of a job, bills, car troubles, politics, etc... When you can't find your keys and your late for work, instead of cursing the bad luck, praise the Lord. That could very well have been God's plan to keep you from getting t-boned by a motorist who ran a red light.
Instead of getting angry about who is elected to office, or a policy being implemented that you don't agree with, praise the Lord that you live in the most free country in the history of the world and regardless of who leads it, God will provide for you and your family.
God's grace and favor are all you need even when it appears that the world has turned upside down. And one last thing...set some personal goals to meet and get that sense of accomplishment. Maybe you need to lose some weight (like me), or you want to be debt free, or you need to find a new job. Set goals to accomplish this and it can be done. But the first goal you should set is to worship the Lord each day at home and once a week at church. God's favor and grace are available to all who believe in and worship Him. Set a goal to attend church each week...I think you'll like the results!! God bless and have a great 2010!!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Forgiveness isn't always easy
Anger. Intense anger. I have experienced too much of that emotion over the past six months when dealing with a certain member of my family. Without getting into the nasty details, someone very close to my wife and I has wronged the family in ways we would have never thought possible. Prior to April, this person was held in high regard, but not anymore. And we have wanted so badly to cut the person out of our lives and move on, but each time we try, God changes our plans.
It's easy to hold a grudge if you think you have been wronged. Anyone can do that without much effort. But forgiveness takes a lot of work. It sometimes requires you to swallow your pride. Often times, it necessitates one to look beyond obvious flaws in the offending party. In my case, the flaws of the offending party are glaring and this person continues to destroy relationships.
But as a Christian, I am charged by God to forgive those who have hurt me and my family. Seriously God, have you not seen what this creep has been doing to this family?? Do you really expect me to forgive as if the personal threats to my wife and I never happened? Listen God, I am a good person. I attend church most Sunday's. I tithe as much as I can most of the time. I have never been arrested. No murders. No adultry. No BIG sins God. So is it really so bad that I harbor resentment and hatred towards this person??
Yeah, it is. One of the things I love most about my church is the way our preachers teach us, not just preach at us. Everytime I leave a service, I walk away feeling smarter with regards to how God expects me to live/act. So, when I am bottling up this anger inside me, towards this particular person, it's the seed of murder. Just as lust is the seed of adultry, hate/anger is the emotional beginning for murder. Of course I would never commit an actual murder of another human being. But in my heart, he/she has been murdered one thousand times.
So as I sat in church one Sunday morning, I was humbled to hear those words being spoken as if they were directed right at me. I have resisted my hearts attempts to forgive this person. I have justified my lack of forgiveness by saying things like "I would never do what he/she did to us, and until I see changes in behavior, I am not letting them back into my life." My wife is the same way. How much easier it would be if we just severed all ties and moved on.
But one thing I keep thinking about is this question: Is God smiling when He looks down from Heaven and sees my actions? Or am I pushing God away by not trying to please Him? For the longest time, I can tell you that God must have been frowning at my actions on a second by second basis. The thought of forgiveness was about as remote as Pitcarin Island, one of the most remote islands on this planet.
But that Sunday, I asked God to help me as I prayed silently in church. When I walked out of that church, it was as if a weight was lifted from my heart. I knew I had to reach out to the offender and let that person know I had forgiven him/her. Does that mean I want to resume normal relations? Absolutely not, at least not at this time. But it does mean that I am no longer going to allow the hatred to occupy any space my heart.
A heart filled with hate has no room to love. Cliche' I know, but so very true. The easy thing is to hold that grudge. But to swallow my pride enough to speak to the offender took strength. I know Lori and I had done nothing to deserve the wrath we endured. I also knew that it was and still is a very real possibility that repeat offenses may be forthcoming. Lori asked one day "how many times do we have to do this forgiveness thing if he/she keeps screwing up?" My reply was "infinity plus one." How many times do we ask for God's forgiveness? Daily? Hourly? And how many times does He forgive us? Every single time.
There may be some out there reading this and thinking 'yeah but I am sure what happened to me was far worse so the forgiving isn't as easy for me.' I'll admit that the things my offender did may not fall into the category of criminal actions. There was no rape, or death threats. But there were threats to get us fired from our jobs over nothing, and the threat of criminal charges that were absolute fiction. So, how did we finally get over these hateful actions to move towards forgiveness?
Simple. We asked God to fill more space in our hearts so that those feelings of hate would be forced out. We started to let go. Accept that some things are not going to change and ask God for guidance. I phoned my offender shortly after that sermon. I said 'I have forgiven you for what you have done to this family, and I also apologize for my actions as well.' At that moment, I felt that God was looking down on me and smiling.
Eight years ago, when I wasn't a Christian, I would have written this person off, halted all communications and hoped to never see him/her again. But when Christ started occupying more space in my heart, it began to transform. If there is someone you are refusing to forgive, think about what Christ did for us on the cross. He had every right to hate us for putting him to death. And every time we stray from biblical teachings, we are pouring salt on the nail holes in his hands and feet. But he doesn't abandon us. Amazing isn't it?
Take an introspective look at your heart and see where you have additional room for Christ. If you don't find any, you need to find a church fast! The only way to be able to forgive someone is to recognize that there are others out there who are harboring hatred towards you as well! It may be a kid you wronged in high school. We are all guilty of commiting sins we need to confess and seek forgiveness for. You know the deal - glass houses and stones.
It's easy to hold a grudge if you think you have been wronged. Anyone can do that without much effort. But forgiveness takes a lot of work. It sometimes requires you to swallow your pride. Often times, it necessitates one to look beyond obvious flaws in the offending party. In my case, the flaws of the offending party are glaring and this person continues to destroy relationships.
But as a Christian, I am charged by God to forgive those who have hurt me and my family. Seriously God, have you not seen what this creep has been doing to this family?? Do you really expect me to forgive as if the personal threats to my wife and I never happened? Listen God, I am a good person. I attend church most Sunday's. I tithe as much as I can most of the time. I have never been arrested. No murders. No adultry. No BIG sins God. So is it really so bad that I harbor resentment and hatred towards this person??
Yeah, it is. One of the things I love most about my church is the way our preachers teach us, not just preach at us. Everytime I leave a service, I walk away feeling smarter with regards to how God expects me to live/act. So, when I am bottling up this anger inside me, towards this particular person, it's the seed of murder. Just as lust is the seed of adultry, hate/anger is the emotional beginning for murder. Of course I would never commit an actual murder of another human being. But in my heart, he/she has been murdered one thousand times.
So as I sat in church one Sunday morning, I was humbled to hear those words being spoken as if they were directed right at me. I have resisted my hearts attempts to forgive this person. I have justified my lack of forgiveness by saying things like "I would never do what he/she did to us, and until I see changes in behavior, I am not letting them back into my life." My wife is the same way. How much easier it would be if we just severed all ties and moved on.
But one thing I keep thinking about is this question: Is God smiling when He looks down from Heaven and sees my actions? Or am I pushing God away by not trying to please Him? For the longest time, I can tell you that God must have been frowning at my actions on a second by second basis. The thought of forgiveness was about as remote as Pitcarin Island, one of the most remote islands on this planet.
But that Sunday, I asked God to help me as I prayed silently in church. When I walked out of that church, it was as if a weight was lifted from my heart. I knew I had to reach out to the offender and let that person know I had forgiven him/her. Does that mean I want to resume normal relations? Absolutely not, at least not at this time. But it does mean that I am no longer going to allow the hatred to occupy any space my heart.
A heart filled with hate has no room to love. Cliche' I know, but so very true. The easy thing is to hold that grudge. But to swallow my pride enough to speak to the offender took strength. I know Lori and I had done nothing to deserve the wrath we endured. I also knew that it was and still is a very real possibility that repeat offenses may be forthcoming. Lori asked one day "how many times do we have to do this forgiveness thing if he/she keeps screwing up?" My reply was "infinity plus one." How many times do we ask for God's forgiveness? Daily? Hourly? And how many times does He forgive us? Every single time.
There may be some out there reading this and thinking 'yeah but I am sure what happened to me was far worse so the forgiving isn't as easy for me.' I'll admit that the things my offender did may not fall into the category of criminal actions. There was no rape, or death threats. But there were threats to get us fired from our jobs over nothing, and the threat of criminal charges that were absolute fiction. So, how did we finally get over these hateful actions to move towards forgiveness?
Simple. We asked God to fill more space in our hearts so that those feelings of hate would be forced out. We started to let go. Accept that some things are not going to change and ask God for guidance. I phoned my offender shortly after that sermon. I said 'I have forgiven you for what you have done to this family, and I also apologize for my actions as well.' At that moment, I felt that God was looking down on me and smiling.
Eight years ago, when I wasn't a Christian, I would have written this person off, halted all communications and hoped to never see him/her again. But when Christ started occupying more space in my heart, it began to transform. If there is someone you are refusing to forgive, think about what Christ did for us on the cross. He had every right to hate us for putting him to death. And every time we stray from biblical teachings, we are pouring salt on the nail holes in his hands and feet. But he doesn't abandon us. Amazing isn't it?
Take an introspective look at your heart and see where you have additional room for Christ. If you don't find any, you need to find a church fast! The only way to be able to forgive someone is to recognize that there are others out there who are harboring hatred towards you as well! It may be a kid you wronged in high school. We are all guilty of commiting sins we need to confess and seek forgiveness for. You know the deal - glass houses and stones.
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